I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
