soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
