pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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