So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
