I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
