i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
