went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
