i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
