he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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