she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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