At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
