You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
a search helicopter?!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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