Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
