Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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