Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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