Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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