My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
