you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
