Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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