I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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