I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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