Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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