Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
