It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
