I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
