Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
