At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize