Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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