omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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