Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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