Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
