Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize