Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
