remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
