'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
