i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
