just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize