i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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