uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
