Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
someone owes me an orgasm
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize