i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
