I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What a dumb baby whore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
