I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
