my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
