dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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