We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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