I'm so fucking centered right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize