ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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