I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
