Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
