I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
