No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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