taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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