I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
