Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize