i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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