I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
