I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
