someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
