i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
