If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
