got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
