I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
