I can't breathe out the right side of my face
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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