I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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