tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My vagina is officially offended.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
