in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize